Looking Into My World

Well, well, it's been a long time. There's too much to catch up on over the last couple of months. Brad and I are moving north to be closer to his job. There's some bittersweet feelings about moving this place we love, but I trust new things could be good, too.

My niece spent last week with me and we had a grand ol' time. She's a fun and sweet girl. Love her.

Classes are over, though I am trying to finish 2 independent studies. I also am trying to coordinate my exam topics, etc. It's stressful, but I am going to make it.

Today, I have spent time at work, also transfering our utilities and canceling the things we won't need. It's pouring rain outside, which would be great if it meant things would cool off a bit, but I am doubtful.

Feel free to drop me a line.

Well, I suppose it's been a month since I have written here. Lesa motivated me to write with her comment, as I was not sure if anyone was reading. Not that I write for other people, but I have outlets of expression, other than my blog.

This past weekend was the MS Walk. I raised $715 and Brad raised $235. So, between the two of us we raised $950! Not bad! I think you can still donate if you are interested. Go here if you'd like to make a donation. I think you can do it for a couple more weeks.

Saturday was Cinco de Mayo and we had a small party. We have more Corona, Mojitos, and Margaritas than we know what to do with. Guess we'll just have to have people over to help us drink it. We did have a good group of people who were a lot of fun. We didn't get to bed til past 1 am, which is way late for this old married couple. :)

Tonight is my last night of classes, though I still have lots of work to finish up. I feel utterly overwhelmed, but I suppose that is part of being a doctoral student. This is the last of my coursework, and then I will move on to studying for my comprehensive exams in December. Yes, it takes that long!


I'll try not to neglect this blog from now on. No promises, but I'll try.

I hear people say "Happy Easter," and it bugs me. I asked my husband, "What's so happy about Easter?" Oh yeah...the resurrection. Yet, it seems that while Easter is all about the resurrection, we spend so much time dwelling on the crucifixion.

For those of you who have seen the Passion of the Christ, about an hour and a half or so were spent on the scourging of Jesus. Something like ten seconds were given to the resurrection. Church Easter plays (at least the ones I have seen) make the crucifixion the climax, and the resurrection is more of an addendum.

As a feminist theologian, I cannot help but deal with the meaning of the crucifixion. Was it an atoning sacrifice, foreordained from the beginning of time? Or was it the natural result of living a subversive lifestyle--questioning the powers that be? I am more drawn to the latter. A quote by Nancy Bedford, in one of my classes, was something to this effect: Jesus died the death of a terrorist. If you are on the side of the government, you are a solider. If you go against the government, you are a terrorist. I found this rather profound, particularly in light of the current U.S. situation.

Funny how churches spend so much time on Easter (particularly the crucifixion), but spend so little time looking at the life lived by Jesus--the people he hung out with, the sermons he preached, etc. How different would churches be if these things were given attention and taken seriously?

Last year, Easter was very painful for me. I had just studied atonement theories pretty extensively, and I saw validity in the critique of many feminist theologians. We are obsessed with the blood and violence of the cross; we are obsessed with sacrifice. All too often, these values of sacrifice, denial, and even violence are passed on as virtuous--particularly to women.

I expressed this concern--about how Easter is so bloody--to my mother. Her reply was, "Well, it's an historical event; it really happened." True. (or at least I believe it to be) Yet, I also reminded her that the way Jesus died was not special. It was the way they killed criminals during that day. (see above, as to why Jesus was viewed a criminal) Thus, it wasn't like they made the point to beat Jesus extra hard. It's just the way things were done. Seriously, if we think Jesus died an unjust death--died for doing nothing--isn't it likely that a lot of other people died unjust deaths, too? Isn't it possible that the men on the crosses next to Jesus were also unjustly killed?

So, what does this all mean? For me, the event of the cross cannot be singled out or be given more meaning than the other events in the life of Jesus. It doesn't make sense if you don't look at the entire life and ministry of Jesus to see why Jesus was such a threat to the governing structure. The life of Jesus has just as much (or more) meaning than the event of the cross.

Yet, it still remains that Jesus was crucified. However, Jesus was also resurrected--raised from the dead. Here, I side with the Christus Victor view of the atonement. This view stresses that in the death of Jesus, Jesus was sort of a trickster--making the powers of death and injustice think that they had won. Jesus did not retaliate--hurl insults, lash out violently, etc. However, in the resurrection, Jesus gives us hope that death and injustice will ultimately not prevail; they are not the final word.

I think one of the basic elements of human existence is suffering. We all suffer, to varying degrees, no doubt. However, I find it strangely comforting that God, in the incarnation, chose to become human and therefore experienced suffering.

The message of the resurrection--one of hope, justice, and peace--is one that especially speaks to the situation the United States is in. It also speaks to those worldwide who are victims of governmental injustice (by the U.S. and others), economic injustice, and social injustice. May we not give undue attention to the cross this Easter, but rather embrace the hope of the resurrection.

(After writing this, it feels like an Easter sermon. Oddly, I'm not sure how this would be received at the churches in which I have been a part. But it's this message that gets me excited.)

I was reading the Manual of the Church of the Nazarene, and I felt sick--sick to my stomach. This is just not a part of my life anymore, at all. The things they feel the need to prohibit and talk about and the things they ignore completely or almost completely.

Also, I have been thinking that I cannot and will not return to the Church of the Nazarene. At Garrett, there are pages of scholarships from various denominations. When they ask what my denomination is for scholarship purposes and I say Nazarene, they automatically know I am on my own. No schools in the United States that are affiliated with the Church of the Nazarene offer a Ph.D program, and the Nazarene church only gives money if you go to a Nazarene institution. So, I must conclude that the Church of the Nazarene does not value education. People here (United Methodist, Presbyterian, etc) cannot imagine that you can be a Nazarene minister without a Master of Divinity degree. So, not only are there undereducated pastors, but there aren't people who are trained to teach pastors--people with doctoral (not including D.Min) degrees. So, since the Church of the Nazarene hasn't helped me to get where I am in terms of education, I refuse to go back and help them or be a part of them in any way.

I just get so stinking angry when I think about this. And when I hear people talking about where there church is in terms of policy and doctrine compared to where the Nazarene church is...Nazarenes seem archaic.

This just is another layer on my feelings toward the church. It started with my local church, but really, it's the denomination, in general.

Last night, Brad and I attended a peace vigil here in Evanston. At the same time, Christians were gathering in Washington DC to peacefully protest the war in Iraq. Interestingly, there is a wide range of people who have spoken out on this war, but some Christians have been reluctant. There have been churches who, from the start of the war four years ago, have expressed their disagreement with the war. But I am hopeful that this group of voices is growing.

The night began with a worship service--prayers of confession and for the government--songs about the love of God and God's desire for peace, songs questioning what will happen if the war does not end. We then marched over a mile to the center of Evanston where we prayed and stood, representing our desire for peace. It was encouraging the number of cars that honked to express their agreement with the banner, "Pray for peace; act for peace."

This experience was powerful and refreshing. It was refreshing to be around Christians who were not afraid to say that war is incompatible with the teachings of Jesus. The church I grew up in displayed gross acts of patriotism and has not once spoken of the subversive life of Jesus--going against the systems of power and oppression of the empire.

My prayer is for peace and that the Spirit will empower Christians to not repay evil with evil, but instead live out the love of Jesus, locally and throughout the world.

It's Friday night and I am blogging. This after our weekly trip to Panera and grocery shopping. If I get any cooler, I don't know what we'll do.

This week was hectic, as was last week. I worked the alumni phonathon three nights in a row, had my classes, and worked another 12 hours at my job. I would love to just be a lazy couch potato this weekend, but my house is a mess, and I am infinitely behind on my studies. I've pretty much realized I am a perpetual disappointment.

On Sunday, Brad and I are going to an AIDS Benefit Dance performance, featuring 15 dance troops. The wife of a guy I work with coordinated it and he passed along two free tickets to us--usually costing $60.

Life has been incredibly uneventful lately, but busy at the same time. That seems to be par for the course these days, but I felt as if I should update this bustling blog of mine. (ha!)

Brad and I are walking in the 2007 MS Walk. As most of you know, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in April 2006. There is no known cause and no known cure. Because I am hopeful of what the future holds, I want to be an advocate in helping fund research and programs for people with MS.

http://www.msillinois.org/site/TR?px=1570553&pg=personal&fr_id=1140

By following the above link, you can read about MS, how it has affected me personally, and make a donation to sponsor me as I walk in May.

Also, if you are interested in joining my team--Heat Wave--let me know. I'll get more details on that as I get them.

Please consider a donation, no matter how small. Every dollar matters!

Thanks for your consideration!